***Rated PG – contains scenes which may cause distress to some readers***
Its habitat now limited to the sun-baked suburbs of Melbourne and Sydney, this species has been hunted down cruelly by a man with a huge jaw, a guy wearing mascara and some South African prat. Its situation is now dire – it is in serious danger of extinction!
These upsetting pictures show the extent of the damage done by the aggressors:
Please don’t leave them to suffer. They desperately need your help. You can do your bit to save this poor, endangered creature – the Australian test cricketer. Please dig deep!
Send all donations (and offers of real cricket) to
Status is as follows:
Agents Twat, Kat, Pup and Muss have attempted a comeback.
Computer registers that had they not completely failed in the first innings, this might be game on.
Agent P failed. Again.
Computer is sending a mail bomb.
Mission status – too little too late
Opposition status – bastards
Computer is ashamed to admit she is counting on bad weather to save the operation.
Computer is not ashamed to admit she dislikes Oppostion Agent Massive Jaw even more than ever.
Blog posts by Kirby of Thoughts from the Dustbin
Operation resumed at 1030 in the am local time.
By 1035 local time, operation was looking shite.
Status is as follows:
Agent P successfully called the coin; Agent P chose to send Agents Twat and Kat to the middle.
Report on agents’ positions as follows:
Agent Kat – is probably having his fist surgically removed from Agent Twat as I write
Agent Twat – might want to speak a little louder, but still 51
Agent Clarke – possibly unlucky but still: ye gads!
Agent P – not good enough, again.
Agent Muss – Our Saviour, who did his best but it won’t be enough 93
Agent N – made it out of single figures, must be pleased. No one else is.
Agent Hads – nicely supported Agent Muss again, 56
Agents Harris, X, Sids and Bolly – 9 between them. Let’s hope they can bowl better.
Agents’ total for 10 hits – 245
Computer is not best pleased. Computer is down a fiver after betting agents wouldn’t make it to 200.
Mission status – epic fail
Opposition status – too bloody happy
Operatives returned to the field. Opposition agents Strauss and Cook – aka smarmy gits – took to the middle.
Report on agents’ position as follows:
Agent Hilf – fail
Agent Sids – fail
Agent N – really? 1 hit?
Agent Johns – epic fail
Agent X – nobody’s Lord and thus fail
Agent Twat – epic fail
Agent Pitch – too slow and pissy
Opposition status – too f@*%£ng good
Mission status – beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep
Blog post by Kirby, Thoughts from the Dustbin